i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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