You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you had me at cake vodka
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I did not marry a roomba.
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