Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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