I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
