he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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