dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
