I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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