How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
