I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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