It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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