I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
