We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
