Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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