his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
