I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
