Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
