It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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