puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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