I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
