omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
