actually, I'm a sock model
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
