Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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