So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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