My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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