I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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