No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
