I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
