He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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