I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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