Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
