i already hear my dad disowning me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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