Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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