i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
