I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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