So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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