So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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