haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize