If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
