You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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