6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
