Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
