God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize