so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
