I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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