I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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