my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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