i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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