Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize