The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
