why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
