I'm gonna have a badass scar
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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