Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
