A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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