If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
