i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
