Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
