my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
