I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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