from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
