I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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