D3 body, D1 cock
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize