Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize