i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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