i may or may not be watching the land before time
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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