Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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