Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
