dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
