just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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