you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
